a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
