Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.

(225): View more from Louisiana

where am I supposed to find one of those?

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(970): View more from Colorado

If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.

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(503): View more from Oregon

i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

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(310): View more from California

Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.

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(415): View more from California

I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week

(1-415): View more from California

I don't deserve you.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.

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