We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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