I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
