How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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