If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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