What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
