Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
