Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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