I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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