her vagine was all disorganized.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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