I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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