My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
