If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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