How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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