Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
