I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
