I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize