College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The air was thick with penises
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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