I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
