I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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