2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
