i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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