I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
