how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
