so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
