They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
