dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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