What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
