is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
