My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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