The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
