I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
