I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
