dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
