Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
