I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
