Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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