Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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