The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
