Got a toothbrush?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
