My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just got carded by a ten year old.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
