I'm so fucking centered right now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Someone shattered a urinal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
