it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
