What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
