I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
