You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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