you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
