You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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