This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize