The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found your dick twin last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
