when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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