He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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