when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
