Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize