and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
