I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
