The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize