Pappa wants mamma naked
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
