dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Less talking, more tequila
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
