I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
