My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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