I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
