My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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