How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
