I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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