Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
