I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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