i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
