You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
