Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
