Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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