TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
