Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
