They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
