So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
