matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
