dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize