Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no you cant smoke seaweed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
