You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
