remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
