For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
