I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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