all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
